Five Things
by slytherinslut13
Summary: Or, Five Things About Ginny Weasley's Relationship That She Would Prefer Not Be Said Out Loud. I feel like that explains it all. A short look through Ginny's relationship with her two favorite men. RJL/GMW/STS. Please R&R!


**1. "Just drop your knickers and shag them already!"** Ginny would never have guessed that Hermione Granger of all people would say that. Especially during a class. Especially during a class that was being taught by the two men that were implied in the sentence.

"Miss Granger. Miss Weasley." The way his baritone voice caressed his name made her squirm a bit in her seat, as did his hot breath on her neck. "Is there anything you wish to share with the class?"

"Oh, not really Professor. I was merely giving Ginny advice on her love life." Hermione said boldly. Ginny stepped on her foot under the table.

A much nicer voice sighed. "Don't do it again, please. Now, as we were saying…" Remus Lupin went back into his lecture on several defensive maneuvers, with Severus Snape helping him.

"I still don't know what you see in him, other than his voice." Hermione hissed to Ginny as she massaged her foot under the table.

"Erm, he's a mystery, you can see his muscles even though he has tons of layers on, his eyes, and his name… just, like whisper it." Ginny said, keeping her eyes fixed determinedly on the clock.

"Severus…" Hermione whispered. "Yeah, I can see where you're coming from. It sounds like a name made to whimper as you come."

"Ginny, Hermione, please stay after class." Remus said. As smart as Hermione is, she could not remember that werewolves, as a whole, had very good hearing. A fact that came in handy when they were teachers on the lookout for whispered conversations.

**2. "Dear Sweet Merlin, you got shagged good and proper last night, didn't you?"** Were the first words out of Dezmelda's mouth in Potions that morning.

"How can you tell?" Ginny asked, bright red.

"Oh, I was joking." Dezmelda said, her eyes wide. "But, you do have a sort of glow."

Ginny looked down as if she expected light to be shining out of her stomach.

"So who was he?" Dezmelda asked, popping a piece of bacon into her mouth.

"Them." Ginny reached for a cup of coffee. Dezmelda chocked on her bacon, and Ginny pounded her back to dislodge it. It flew across the table and hit a Hufflepuff in the head.

"Sorry!" Dezmelda called. "What do you mean, them?" she returned her attention to Ginny.

"Well, I had sex with one, and then the other."

"In one bed?"

"No! Dezmelda, that's…" Ginny trailed off, pondering her friend's words. "That's actually a decent idea."

"So, who were they? Were they good? Nice? Or rough? How big?"

Ginny blushed. How she wished she knew that muffling charm Harry used so often. "Well, the first one was really nice and gentle, and the second one was a bit rough, but, Merlin, did it feel nice. They were really good, in their own way, and as for size… well, I was a bit scared as to how they were going to fit."

"So, who were they?" Dezmelda pressed. Ginny gave herself away but glancing at Snape for the briefest of moments.

"Holy… Oh my... holy crap!" Dezmelda started freaking out.

"Miss Robbins, I must ask you to sit down." Snape said in his dangerously soft voice.

"I bloody well will not sit down! I was just told that my teacher is amazing in bed!" Dezmelda shrieked. Ginny hastily applied her Disillusionment Charm.

Snape's head actually jerked back in shock. "Excuse me?"

"I'm leaving; I feel sick." Dezmelda grabbed her bag and stormed out.

Snape blinked for a few moments, then turned back to the ten- now nine- student class. "Very well. Let's continue."

Dezmelda was waiting for Ginny after class in the DADA classroom.

"Pease tell me the other one is your age." She said.

"Sorry, I can't." Ginny said, glaring at her friend. "Did you enjoy your freak-out?"

"Yeah, sorry about that, but he's the most feared professor, the bat of the dungeons, and you shagged him." Dezmelda pointed out fairly.

"You're bloody lucky that nobody knew who you were talking about. Now, are you mature again?" Ginny hissed, pulling out her wand as the rest of the filed in, including Professor Lupin. Lupin smiled at Ginny a bit, and Dezmelda's head hit the table with a bang.

"You didn't?" She groaned, her voice muffled by the wood. Ginny didn't respond, pretending to fish for a quill. "You did. You filthy… Merlin, this'll be so awkward."

**3. "Wait, what the bloody hell is a threesome?" **Wait. Rewind three minutes.

"So, I told them flat out, I can't keep bed-hopping." Ginny said with a tired sigh at breakfast to Hermione.  
"Why not? You've enjoyed it so far?" Her bushy- haired friend asked.

"Hermione, I've been running on coffee for two weeks now. Every time I shag one of them, I feel like I have to shag the other the next night. But then I feel guilty, and shag the first one. It's a vicious cycle." Ginny said, making her point by pouring herself another cup of black coffee and downing it in one gulp. Her eyes looked slightly crazy. "Anyway, I sat them both down and told them that if they wanted to continue seeing me in any respect, then they would just have to deal with a threesome and get over the whole 'I once tried to kill you' thing."

"I know." Hermione rolled her eyes. "I realize why Snape held his grudge for so long, but they're even now. A threesome definitely seems like a good idea. You get more sleep, they get the same amount, if not more, satisfaction."

"That's what I said!" Ginny exclaimed. "I told them I would expect their answers this morning with the mail."

Enter Ron, who had only caught a few words. "Wait, what the bloody hell is a threesome?" Not only did he succeed in getting the Gryffindors attention, but the teachers as well. Severus Snape and Remus Lupin looked at each other, then at the windows, waiting for the mail.

Ron never did find out what his sister was so happy about when she got two small pieces of parchment that simply said 'yes'.

**4. "Ginevra Molly Weasley, you are too pregnant!"** Her so-called best friend said…or, rather, shouted. Of course, Dezmelda said it at that awkward moment where everyone had stopped talking and there was a lull in conversations. Therefore, the entire school heard.

Ginny only saw one course of action- to sink under the table, bright red.

Dezmelda stood up. "I was, uh, just kidding around." She said weakly. There seemed to be a huge sigh- of relief or disappointment, it was unknown- in the Great Hall. Eventually, Ginny emerged from her cover. She was taking some sausage when she heard her lover's voice in her head.

"You're not, are you?" Severus sounded vaguely worried. "Remus wants to know, too."

She didn't move for several minutes. Then a chair was heard scraping across the floor and Ginny chanced a glance at the Head Table. Severus had stood up and was exiting the Great Hall. Only a few minutes later, Remus left as well. Ginny pushed her food around for a bit longer before leaving as well. She could easily pretend it was from awkwardness.

Severus and Remus were waiting for her outside the doors. They each seized one of her arms and marched her down to the dungeons. Severus put her in a chair and began making something with his Potions stuff.

"Explain." Remus said, sounding angry.

Ginny sniffed and looked up at his kind blue eyes. "I don't know if I am or not. I'm late, and I've been really tired and a bit nauseous lately." Tears started spilling over and she put her head in her arms.

"It'll be okay." Remus said, rubbing circles on her back. "Severus is making a potion that is basically a pregnancy test."

"Ginevra." Severus was the only one allowed to say that. She shivered at how his voice wrapped her name in basic sex. "I'm going to need a drop of your blood." Ginny held out one hand, and felt the tiniest prick on her finger. She didn't look up until she heard Severus release his breath.

"So?" Remus asked, staring at the clear potion.

"Nope."

"Oh, thank god." Ginny mumbled. "I was so not ready to be a Mummy."

**5. "What is that ring and where did it come from?"**

I sighed and plastered a smile on my face before turning to face Harry Potter, gay man extraordinaire. Draco Malfoy was attached to his hand, his pointed face alight with glee.

"What ring?" I asked, holding out my right hand. There was a ring on it, a small pewter band that I had gotten when I was much younger. "Oh, that! It's just my, um, chastity ring."

Harry roared with laughter. "Ginny, that is the best lie I have ever heard. You? A chastity ring?" He bent over in his laughter. I scowled at his back as he recovered.

"But, really, your other hand." He said, wiping his eyes.

I put my innocent face on. "What other hand?" They stared at me, incredulous. "Oh, you, erm, mean my, uh, left hand." I gave a nervous chuckle. They nodded. "NO!" I sprinted away from them, weaving through the house and dodging small and large children alike on my way to my room.

"Oof!" I had run into Remus and knocked him into my room, ending up straddling his chest. He kicked the door closed.

"Hi baby! Sorry!" I tried to get off him, but he grabbed my wrist and kissed me. As kissers go, he was a high eight, maybe a nine. So, I was content to let him snog me for a bit…that is, until Harry and Draco kicked the door open.

"Woah." Draco said, his eyes going wide.

"My eyes! My innocent eyes!" Harry screamed, turning around and covering his eyes.

"Honestly Harry." I rolled my eyes. "It's not like you've never seen me getting felt up before."

"So you two are an item?" Harry said. I didn't notice Draco creeping to my left until it was too late.

"HA!" he yelled, grabbing my hand. "It was an engagement ring; we were right, Harry."

"Yes!" Harry yelled. "Remus, you-?"

"Almost kinda." Remus hedged. This was the second reason that we hadn't told my family about Severus, Remus, and I; they hated Severus.

"What do you mean by that?" Draco asked.

"I bought half of it…" Remus looked at me for support.

"Harry, Draco, I'm dating Severus, too." I said, not blinking.

"That wasn't blunt." A new voice said. I twirled around to see Severus walking out of my bathroom, a towel around his waist.

Draco's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Are you fucking serious?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "She just said she was dating Severus, not Sirius."

Wait. Here comes the excessive gayness of these two boys. "Oh my god!" They squealed. "Our little sister is getting married!" They rushed forward to hug me. I sent Remus and Severus pleading looks, but Remus was laughing at them, and Severus was changing. My eyes followed him as he pulled on pants.

"Ginevra, where's my shirt?" He asked.

Harry got off of me so I could help him look for it.

"Ginny!" My mum's voice came up the stairs.

"Yes, Mum?" I called back down.

"I found a large black shirt in the laundry. Is it yours?" Severus and I exchanged looks before I dashed downstairs.

"Yeah, thanks, Mum." I grabbed the shirt from her and dashed away before she could comment.

"Wait! Ginny! What's that ring?" She called after me. Well, bugger.


End file.
